A Japanese shogun’s surprising perspective on anger

Anger to be more assertive, have healthy boundaries, and grow more confident

Illustrations by Kaki Okumura

Growing up I was uncomfortable with anger (and still am a bit). I don’t handle it well when it’s directed at me, and being around angry people makes me anxious. I used to believe anger was something to be avoided, that it was a sign of a loss of control.

But I later realized that anger could be helpful. When you repress anger, you may inadvertently blame yourself or feel deserving of bad things, leading to mental health challenges like depression — if you can safely express anger, you get to process your emotions without letting it build up, and you can learn to be more assertive, have healthy boundaries, and grow more confident.

Harnessed well, it can be a productive way to protect yourself, make better decisions, and even do some good in the world.

So when is anger unhealthy?

Unfortunately (like many of our emotions) anger is not always productive. When it isn’t well-regulated it can lead us to lash out and hurt others, or lead to a self-pitying mindset that simply drains our energy, rather than empowering us to take action.

Anger can also be a bit addictive. Internet phenomena like rage-baiting (ie. angering people online for internet traffic) or virtue signaling (ie. social justice trends on social media, to prove moral correctness) is rampant, because the feeling of being right can make us feel powerful.

How should we navigate anger?

Your emotions are valid, and anger is not something to be suppressed. You should feel it. In fact, I encourage people to feel it in its entirety.

But once you feel it, you need to let it go.

You can do this by:

• Solving or addressing whatever made you…